tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-153494902011-04-21T19:33:59.580-07:00I was in denial for years. Everyone knew I was an Addict, but me. I dragged myslf to the depths of hell, taking those who loved me along for the ride. What was it going to take? Several times I was so close to death, which on occasion appealed to me , as opposed to living a painfull existance without hope or faith. But god had different plans for me. And as soon as I realized he was in charge, that's when my miracle began.Jay Bartelshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02353572896806813399noreply@blogger.comBlogger131100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15349490.post-1176073735540672662007-04-08T16:06:00.000-07:002007-04-08T16:08:55.543-07:00

Rule # 1- Forget Will Power, Your will is what got you where you are!Our addictions are such a powerful and relentless force that no one person can conquer it on their own. As soon as we accept this fact, and believe me it is a proven fact, then we have given our selves a realistic chance of finding recovery and overcoming the bondage of self will. If we try to kid ourselves into thinking that we

Jay Bartelshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02353572896806813399noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15349490.post-1144036092114787442006-04-02T20:46:00.000-07:002006-04-02T20:48:12.136-07:00

It was August of 2002 and it was the hottest day of the year, just as yesterday was and tomorrow would surely be. From where I was sitting there was no relief in sight. I woke up to a glaring sunrise from my new home on the beach. When I say on the beach, I mean on the beach, in the sand with my worn out sneakers serving as my pillow. I didn't want to admit that I was homeless. To do so would

Jay Bartelshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02353572896806813399noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15349490.post-1137469884499351892006-01-16T19:50:00.000-08:002006-01-16T19:58:30.203-08:00

The summer heat baked through my car windows as I turned off the AC to save fuel, in hopes of coasting into a gas station. I left the house early that morning knowing this could be the most life defining day of my life. There was so much at stake, and here I was sweating and regretting, that I didn't fuel up on the way to the courthouse. Some one was looking out for me that day, and I first

Jay Bartelshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02353572896806813399noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15349490.post-1129870429119344572005-10-20T21:22:00.000-07:002005-10-21T12:05:24.516-07:00

They say you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink. That is the struggle our friends and families are up against when we finally agree to go to a meeting. In the years that I've been in recovery, I have felt that feeling of hopelessness many times while trying to express these words to them ."If I could come out of the gutter and live as a responsible member of society, then

Jay Bartelshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02353572896806813399noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15349490.post-1127090621590113982005-09-18T17:24:00.000-07:002005-09-18T18:12:56.580-07:00

Today was another successful day. Any time we make it through a day without using, that day is a great success. Anything else that happens positive for us , is just an extra bonus. When you spend so many years as I did not being able to get through a single day without drugs, just to stay clean is a miracle in itself. In recovery we receive one miracle after another, and it's our gratitude that

Jay Bartelshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02353572896806813399noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15349490.post-1126907812216913932005-09-16T14:45:00.000-07:002005-09-16T14:56:52.223-07:00

EVEN AFTER WE'VE BEEN CLEAN FOR A PERIOD OF TIME, THAT DOESN'T MEAN THAT EVERYTHING IS ALWAYS GOING TO GO THE WAY WE WISH IT WOULD. WE STILL HAVE TO LEARN TO LIVE LIFE ON LIFES TERMS. WE DON'T HAVE TO RUN FROM LIFE ANYMORE, BECAUSE NOW WE HAVE THE TOOLS AND FAITH NEEDED TO GET THROUGH THESE TIMES. BY NOW WE'VE DEVELOPED HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS WITH PEOPLE IN THE PROGRAM WHO ARE THERE TO SUPPORT US

Jay Bartelshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02353572896806813399noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15349490.post-1125116323095839392005-08-26T21:01:00.000-07:002005-08-26T21:20:43.940-07:00

WHEN WE START FEELING BETTER, WE WANT TO START SAVING EVERYONE. IT'S NOT UP TO YOU TO SAVE THE WORLD. RIGHT NOW, IT'S ONLY UP TO YOU TO SAVE YOURSELF. WHEN WE GET FURTHER ALONG IN OUR RECOVERY WE WILL HAVE PLENTY OF OPPORTUNITIES TO HELP OTHER ADDICTS, BUT FOR NOW, YOU MUST BE CAREFULL NOT TO GET CAUGHT UP IN THE LIVES OF OTHER ADDICTS WHO ARE ALSO NEW TO RECOVERY. THE SAD THING IS, MOST OF THE

Jay Bartelshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02353572896806813399noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15349490.post-1124565597011703082005-08-20T12:04:00.000-07:002005-08-20T12:19:57.016-07:00

As the fog began to lift, I would get passing glimpses of where this journey was taking me. They came to me internally; in my soul and at they would seem to release endorphines, although passing quickly at first. After about 4 weeks I put in my first day of real work since about 5 years before that. I came back to my halfway house that afternoon feeling like a new man. It was at this point in

Jay Bartelshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02353572896806813399noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15349490.post-1124125063415626942005-08-15T09:45:00.000-07:002005-08-20T22:09:19.963-07:00

I Had avery hard time sitting in the meetings for an entire hour. An hour seemed like an eternity to me, but i was told i needed to be there from prayer to prayer, which sounded like a religious cult to me. I soon found out that the prayers were about us asking for the power to change our lives, and the prayer at the end was for all the sick and suffering addicts inside and outside the meeting

Jay Bartelshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02353572896806813399noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15349490.post-1123993799920043402005-08-13T21:19:00.000-07:002005-08-13T21:29:59.923-07:00

After spending 19 days of detoxing, and still feeling like sick, both physically and mentally, I knew I needed to surround myselves with other recovering addicts. I was living at a half way house and it was strongly reccomended that I attend 90 meetings in 90 days. At my first meeting I picked up a white key tag which represented surrender. I wasn't judged, as a matter of fact they applauded and

Jay Bartelshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02353572896806813399noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15349490.post-1123908188301291102005-08-12T21:33:00.000-07:002005-08-12T21:43:08.303-07:00

Something was different this time. I kept praying, " god I turn my will and my life over to you. Please guide me and give me the stregnth andthe courage, so I may do your will for me." That day not only changedmy life, but gave me a chance at a new life. Still I was very sick and Ihad a hard time with my memory. I couldn't remember how I had cometo this horible existance, and I couldn't remember

Jay Bartelshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02353572896806813399noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15349490.post-1123825400329121002005-08-11T22:41:00.000-07:002005-08-11T22:43:20.333-07:00

Jay Bartelshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02353572896806813399noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15349490.post-1123820925392388102005-08-11T21:13:00.000-07:002005-08-12T21:44:45.273-07:00

I sat there on the concrete bench, doubled over and trembling from down inside. I could hear people circling me, comforting me, asking me ," are you ready to surrender?" Inside the building there was a narcotics anonymous meeting going on. I had slept on the beach for the past couple of weeks and had run out of all of my drugs. Inside I knew, the only reason I was sitting outside that meeting

Jay Bartelshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02353572896806813399noreply@blogger.com0